I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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