2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
