I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
