Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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