at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
