Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize