is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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