ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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