would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
