Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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