have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
As shirtless as possible
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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