I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
