Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
