This is not my ceiling
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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