I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
