Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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