I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize