my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
