I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She bit a glass in half.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
