im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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