when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
