I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
