it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
