You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
