My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
