Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
