i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I smell stomach acid.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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