Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize