Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My balls are so social today.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
