i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am available for nakedness
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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