i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
