Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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