home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
