Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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