I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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