Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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