So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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