So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
