im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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