i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize