you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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