I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
