My nipple is on Facebook.
I cannot find my penis.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
