I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
