Fuck appropriateness.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
