I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
