Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
