he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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