Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
