Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
