I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
