I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She bit a glass in half.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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