Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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