Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just blew my weed a kiss
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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