How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
