She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
