Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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