if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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