Porn is love you can see.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
