so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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