I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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