So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
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