Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
