My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
