I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i've created a new STD.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
