Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
