My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
