Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
