farters have to be the big spoon...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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