True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize