So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
