I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
