I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize