i love accidental penises.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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