don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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