i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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