Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
