we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
