just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
