like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
