just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
