Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
