I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
