I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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