I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
