I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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