Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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