Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
