that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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