i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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