you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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