He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
