i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
