There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
