you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
