Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
