So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
