So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize