and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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