decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
