I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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