We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
