i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
