the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
