she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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