did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
