He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
