I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
